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More than 60 percent of young people who went to church as teens drop out after high school. This is a striking and alarming statistic. Now the bestselling author of unChristian trains his researcher's eye on these young believers. Where Kinnaman's first book unChristian showed the world what outsiders aged 16-29 think of Christianity, You Lost Me shows why younger Christians, ages 16-29, are leaving the church and rethinking their faith. Based on new research, You Lost Me shows pastors, church leaders, and parents how we have failed to equip young people to live in - but not of - the world and how this has serious long-term consequences. He then offers suggestions on how to help young people develop and maintain a vibrant faith that they embrace rather than toss away.
- Sales Rank: #10488 in Audible
- Published on: 2011-11-09
- Format: Unabridged
- Original language: English
- Running time: 511 minutes
Most helpful customer reviews
53 of 58 people found the following review helpful.
Why Mosaics Drop Out of Church, and What the Church Needs to Do Differently in Response
By George P. Wood
"The ages eighteen to twenty-nine are the black hole of church attendance," writes David Kinnaman. Most church leaders and Christian parents know this. And most believe that the "next generation" will return to church once they've married and had kids. There's some truth to this belief. Church involvement among Boomers and Busters followed predictable patterns, with participation in childhood and adulthood sandwiching non-participation in young adulthood. And yet, this generation--referred to as Mosaics--may very well be different than preceding generations. The goal of You Lost Me is to "define the dropout problem [of Mosaics] and interpret its urgency." No church leader or Christian parent can read Kinnaman's research and remain complacent about the absence of Mosaics. It is an urgent problem requiring thoughtful solutions.
The culture in which Mosaics have grown up is "discontinuously different" from the culture of preceding generations. "The next generation is living in a new technological, social, and spirituality reality," Kinnaman argues; "this reality can be summed up in three words: access, alienation, and authority." Access refers to "the changing means and methods of communicating and finding information." Alienation refers to the "very high levels of isolation from family, community, and institutions" experienced by Mosaics. And authority refers to "[t]he changing spiritual narrative" told by the culture, leaving Mosaics asking "new questions about what to believe and why." Mosaics have more information, fewer role models, and more questions about what constitutes truth than preceding generations. These social realities "have deeply affected the cognitive and emotional process of `encoding' faith" in the next generation.
But though subject to the same social realities, not all Mosaic dropouts have dropped out in the same way. Kinnaman reminds readers that "every story matters," but the stories themselves take one of three narrative forms. For nomads, "faith is nomadic, seasonal, or may appear to be an optional or peripheral part of life." Prodigals are "young people who leave their childhood or teen faith entirely." Exiles are "those who grew up in the church and are now physically or emotionally disconnected in some way, but who also remain energized to pursue God-honoring lives." Notice that nomads and exiles continue to identify themselves, in varying degrees, as Christians. Only prodigals are hard dropouts, that is, deconverts from Christianity, and they make up a small share of all dropouts. Given these distinctions, Kinnaman concludes: "The dropout phenomenon is most accurately described as a generation of Christians who are disengaging from institutional forms of church."
Why they are disengaging, and what to do in response, take up the bulk of the book. Based on extensive surveys of Mosaics, both quantitative and qualitative, Kinnaman offers "six reasons" why the next generation is disengaging from church.
1. Overprotective: "The church is seen as a creativity killer where risk taking and being involved in culture are anathema."
2. Shallow: "Easy platitudes, proof texting, and formulaic slogans have anesthetized many young adults."
3. Antiscience: "Many young Christians have come to the conclusion that faith and science are incompatible."
4. Repressive: "Religious rules--particularly sexual mores--feel stifling to the individualist mindset of young adults."
5. Exclusive: "Although there are limits to what this generation will accept and whom they will embrace, they have been shaped by a culture that esteems open-mindedness, tolerance, and acceptance. Thus Christianity's claims to exclusivity are a hard sell."
6. Doubtless: "the church is not a place that allows them to express doubts."
Church leaders and Christian parents need to read this section of the book non-defensively. Many dropouts exhibit a keen interest in spirituality generally and Jesus Christ particularly. But they don't like the church--the church that their leaders and parents have worked hard to build. When they say, "You lost me," they are pointing fingers. At least that's how leaders and parents might feel. Moreover, they might have strong disagreement with Mosaic ethics, particularly with regard to sexual behavior--as well they should. Rather than reading defensively, however, church leaders and Christian parents should read these chapters to learn the unique social forces that are shaping (and in some cases misshaping) the next generation.
By reading non-defensively, leaders and parents may also see new, biblically faithful ways of being Christian in community that have been neglected by their generation of Christians. On this issue, Kinnaman does not merely describe the dropout problem, he prescribes potential ways of moving forward. The penultimate chapter of the book outlines three things Kinnaman has learned from his research: "(1) the church needs to reconsider how we make disciples; (2) we need to rediscover Christian calling and vocation; and (3) we need to reprioritize wisdom over information as we seek to know God." The final chapter surveys Christian leaders--both inside and outside of church ministry--and offers "50 Ideas to Find a Generation."
I highly recommend You Lost Me to church leaders and Christian parents who are concerned about "the black hole" in their churches. It will help them understand how their Mosaics think, why they are disengaged from church, and what might be done to hand on the faith to a new generation.
83 of 95 people found the following review helpful.
"You Lost Me" Sparks Ideas To Help A Hurting Generation
By Caleb Breakey
[[VIDEOID:mo2MIBY7BC7Y0GT]]Chances are you know about The Great Departure: Christian youth leaving the church. It's the very reason why I wrote a book to help Millennials follow Jesus without leaving the church: Called to Stay: An Uncompromising Mission to Save Your Church. Anywhere from 60 to 80 percent of professing believers are going to walk away from their faith by their twenties.
Yeah, serious.
So how are parents, pastors and youth workers/mentors supposed to counter this?
David Kinnaman's You Lost Me: Why Young Christians Are Leaving Church...and Rethinking Faith explores this very question and sparks ideas as to how we can help young people own their faith. He also takes a look at how this generation is "discontinuously different" from all others before it, and why this fact is important to understand.
Below I've listed: 1) key definitions; 2) what to expect inside the book; and 3) a sampling of the nuggets I took away from it.
' Key definitions from Kinnaman:
...Nomads: They walk away from church engagement but still consider themselves Christians.
...Prodigals: They lose their faith, describing themselves as "no longer Christian."
...Exiles: They are still invested in their Christian faith but feel stuck (or lost) between culture and the church.
' Now, what to expect as you crack open You Lost Me:
'PART 1: Dropouts
1--Faith, Interrupted
2--Access, Alienation, Authority
3--Nomads and Prodigals
4--Exiles
'PART 2: Disconnections
5--Disconnection, Explained
6--Overprotective
7--Shallow
8--Antiscience
9--Repressive
10--Exclusive
11--Doubtless
'PART 3: Reconnections
12--What's Old Is New
13--Fifty Ideas to Find a Generation
Throughout the book, I jotted down notes that really got me thinking about how to effectively help this generation follow Jesus. Here are just a few of the nuggets I took away:
Get young people involved in Scripture reading, praying, worshiping, and giving their testimonies; let them join the dialogue at church; lead them in visiting the sick and shut-ins; be a mentor to a young person at church; connect spiritual wisdom with real world knowledge; don't ignore science; show them how to live "in but not of" lives; and teach them how to think well, not what to think.
If you haven't already, I'd also suggest picking up Kinnaman's book Unchristian. Another great read along these same lines is Gabe Lyons' The Next Christians: The Good News About the End of Christian America. All of them are excellent resources in our ongoing battle of raising young men and women to love God and others.
77 of 97 people found the following review helpful.
Fewer and better Christians
By Ulsterman
Since we Americans have a "can do" attitude, we tend to think every problem has a solution. Obviously not. After all, we all die, eventually. Some things are inevitable, and though it gives me no pleasure to say this, I think it's certain: in our increasingly secular and hedonistic culture, Christianity is going to decline - numerically, anyway. The mainline (liberal) churches have been declining for 60 years because they conform so closely to the secular culture that most people don't think it's worth getting up on Sunday morning. But the evangelical churches are affected too, and though numerically they seem healthy enough at the present, the fact is that most people, especially the under-30s, have only a superficial knowledge of the Bible and Christian belief. There are plenty of self-styled evangelicals who, according to surveys, don't believe in hell, think Christianity is only one way to heaven, that it is wrong to try to convert others, that sex is a purely private matter that is of no concern to God or the church. In other words, lots of people in the churches are not, strictly speaking, Christians. They've learned the mantras - inclusive, tolerance, nonjudgmental, etc - which means they look at traditional Christianity with a jaundiced eye.
What can be done about the people who drop out of a church they consider "repressive" or "exclusive"? In my opinion, not much - because the church as Jesus and the apostles designed it is inevitably going to get called "repressive" and "exclusive" and even worse things in this culture. There's no getting around it. I read You Lost Me hoping the author might have some suggestions for how to hold onto the churches' young people. "We need new architects to design interconnected approaches to faith transference. . . . We need to rethink our assumptions." That kind of seminary-babble struck me as fluff, because it is. How are "new architects" and "rethinking assumptions" going to alter our very secular culture that reaches into every corner of young people's lives? The author's telling of various people's stories is at first interesting but soon grew repetitious. He concocted a scheme, identifying these alienated people as "nomads" or "exiles" or "prodigals." This probably helps sell the book, but it provides no help in the matter of keeping these people in the pews.
Frankly, it can't be done. Sexual ethics? Too strict, too "repressive," the young people say. They said the same thing in the New Testament period. Chastity has never been an easy sell, and lots of people today just won't accept it, period. They can hook up easily, and they can view porn 24/7. How does the church retain single people who enjoy sleeping around? We can't - not without tossing aside the Bible. The more people sleep around, and the more they view porn and accept it as normal, the fewer people will accept Christianity and its moral standards. The liberal churches threw aside chastity as a goal, and the only time they discuss sex is to insist that Christians should be "inclusive" enough to condone any form of sexual behavior - and their inclusivity hasn't gained them many new members, or retained many of the old. So no point going that route, is there? Like it or not, it's like a spiritual law: make a church "inclusive" and watch it shrink - which is ironic, since the people profiled in the book claim they dislike the churches for being "exclusive." (Kind of a no-win situation, isn't it?)
Part of the problem with this book is its subtitle: "Why Young Christians Are Leaving Church." I would change "Christians" to "People." Because young Christians - as in *committed* Christians who try hard to live by the Bible's standards - aren't going to leave in droves, unless it's to find a different church where there is more emphasis on living God's way. A lot of the "Christians" the author refers to should be called "church attenders," with just the vaguest idea that belonging to a church requires any sort of life-changing commitment or self-denial. Lukewarm (or cool) attenders are dropping out, and no doubt more will follow, and the church that tries to retain them with an endless round of pizza parties and concerts and guest speakers is putting its emphasis in the wrong programs. Lots of busy-ness in a church isn't necessarily a sign of spiritual health.
So, since I'm not a pastor, I can say this: let the casual lukewarm attenders go. They need to hear sermons on Christian living, and that includes sexual ethics. If they insist that high standards are driving them away, so be it. Look at the Gospels and Acts. Never in any location did the majority of the people respond to the gospel. Acts reports that churches grew, but also that persecution grew. Paul and the others did not dilute the gospel - some people responded to it, most did not. If Paul were alive today, he might look at the church buildings so common in our landscape and ask "Are these gatherings of Christians, or just Sunday social clubs?" The honest answer is "Sunday social clubs." Is it a great loss if lots of those social clubs shrink and eventually disappear?
Christianity isn't supposed to be "sort of" important. People who find it "sort of" important eventually will drop out. But imagine a church without the lukewarm attenders - smaller group, but more committed.
Jesus didn't tell the apostles to "build churches and do whatever it takes to fill up all the pews." He told them "go and make disciples." Obviously a lot of young people that Kinnamon categorizes as "prodigals" or "exiles" or "nomads" are not disciples, never were, and may never be. If they won't accept the gospel - raw and undiluted - so be it.
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